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The F Word

I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason; bringing something we must learn, and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them . . . “For Good”, Wicked

This is a blog about losing people. Pretty lightweight blogging material, right?

Keeping the quote above in mind, let us also consider the cliche saying “If you love something, let it go.” Not really something I think I can get behind. I’m far too attached to the things I love to truly let them go. Selfish is actually the word I’m looking for.

However, I do believe in letting people go. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. In fact, most of my friendships have been borne out of necessity, and have died in similar fashions. It is not my intention to approach this with a “doom and gloom” attitude: there are people you will have in your life that will always be there. I have a handful that come to mind immediately, and I am at once humbled and gratified by the knowledge of their existence. These tried and trues may not know the minutiae of your life, such as the things about your coworkers that drive you crazy on a daily basis (seriously, how many times do I have to protest to the nickname “Kitty Cat”?) or what tv show you’re hooked on this week.The friends I’m talking about are the ones that are just there, truly there for you when you need it.

Kindred spirits are few and far between, and I am lucky to have the ones I do. I don’t know if I consider myself lucky to have known everyone I have ever considered a ‘friend’, I’m just not in that place. Not zen enough to view every situation with as much certainty as the quoted “For Good” lyrics above, I guess. So you lose people or you let them go. It’s not like you forge friendships with the intent to end them, this is just an inevitable and sometimes messy aspect of life. People change, or they don’t. Certain friendships are capable of withstanding distances and holding your hand through the lowest points. Others are more fragile. In the moment, this seems like the most unforgivable thing.

A fleeting friendship can be very damaging, after all. Like I said, it’s not like you approach relationships with the attitude that one day it will be over. No, you cherish the friends you have while you have them. The fragility of short term friendships can be very cruel. It’s human to look back at the people you once viewed as your “best” and feel bittersweet nostalgia. But that’s all it is… nostalgia. One of my favorite songs (as heard on the Easy A soundtrack) perfectly encapsulates what I am (poorly) attempting to say on the subject:  “Our love ain’t easy / It changes with seasons”. Some people are just there for you in a season of your life, like the roommate(s) you had after moving out of your parents house for the first time or the people who got you through high school.

The trick is to know when to let these people go, or how to accept when they move on. Like I said before, sometimes people change and sometimes they just don’t. I’m certainly far from the person I was two years ago, or even a year ago- and that’s okay. Over time you evolve, your character and person changes and shifts into what is hopefully a better version of the “you” you always were; with these sort of changes, your friendships are bound to alter as well. It’s not the end of the world, just a sometimes painful side-effect of the change. This blog is already too long, but I hope I strung together a few sentences that made some sense.

By Kathryn

KATIE is a twenty-something held together with iced coffee and her wits. She writes personal confessions and pop culture chronicles.

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